The Meltdown Read online

  “I hate that I lost my head that day, but sometimes it’s the only way to bring about change,” Mama says, wiping a single teardrop from beneath her right eye. “Don’t be afraid to wear your crazy hat when need be, Jayd.” Mama walks through the kitchen toward the back door.

  “Yeah, girl. Crazy is where your power lies. And yielded properly, it can get the job done when nothing else can.” Netta’s crazy for saying that out loud, but it’s the gospel. We all know that black women have an image of snapping at the drop of a hat, but Netta and Mama both have good points.

  Before we can get out of the kitchen, a knock at the front door pulls us back inside. The hot summer weather and longer daylight hours keep the men in the streets longer, leaving us women at home alone this evening. We were enjoying the peace and quiet. In this house it’s a luxury to get work done without any interruptions.

  “Jayd, get the door please,” Mama says, stepping onto the back porch and petting Lexi, who’s always happy to see her owner.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I say, walking back up the steps and through the dining room. It’s probably someone looking for one of my uncles. I should be able to get rid of them quickly. But when I open the front door, it’s the last person I ever expected to see at Mama’s house again.

  “Alaafia, Princess Jayd,” Hector, Emilio’s godfather, says with my schoolmate Emilio by his side. Some people never learn. “Is your abuela home? We desperately need her assistance in an urgent matter.”

  This guy’s a little heavy on the theatrics. Mama’s not going to be happy about this pop-in visit at all.

  “Alaafia, Baba. Emilio,” I say, rolling my eyes at my schoolmate. After he tried to blackmail me into auditioning with him in exchange for me swaying Mama to become the head of their spiritual house with Hector, he has the nerve to step back onto my grandmother’s front porch. “I’ll see,” I say, closing the door and walking back into the kitchen where Mama and Netta are waiting on the back porch. Lexi needs to take a bite out of our unexpected guests: Maybe that’ll humble their asses.

  “Mama, it’s for you,” I say, scratching Lexi behind her ears. “It’s Hector and Emilio again.”

  Mama stops petting her German shepherd and looks up at Netta, who peers behind me at the front door. With enraged eyes, Mama marches through the dining room and opens the door, causing Emilio and the elder to jump in surprise. Netta charges behind her homegirl, signaling me to come, too.

  “Alaafia, Iyalosha,” Hector says, bowing at Mama’s feet.

  Emilio follows suit, but Mama’s not amused.

  “What can I do for you, Hector?” Mama asks without returning the false love. Rising without her blessing, Hector nervously answers her inquiry.

  “We again have come to plead for the life of our ile, Queen Jayd,” Hector says, again being overdramatic about the situation. “Would you please reconsider becoming the head of our little house?”

  Netta and Mama exchange looks, knowing Mama’s about to blow.

  “I’ve tried to be nice about you showing up unannounced at my home, but you’re pushing devotion to disrespect,” Mama says, putting her right hand on her hip and looking Hector in the eye. “Get off my porch and don’t step one foot back on it unless you’re invited personally by me to do so.” Mama steps back into the house and slams the door behind her. I know they got the message loud and clear this time.

  “The nerve of some people,” Netta says, heading back toward our original destination.

  “Jayd, turn the porch light on and lock the door. We won’t be back up here for a while,” Mama says, taking a deep breath before following Netta into the kitchen.

  “Lynn Mae, look.” Netta points toward the living room window, through which we see Emilio and Hector walking across the narrow patch of grass separating our house from our evil neighbor Esmeralda’s yard. She opens the gate for her guests, welcoming them into her encumbered animal fortress. Just the thought of stepping foot in her house gives me the chills. With all of the clutter Esmerelda’s got going on over there, she could be on one of those hoarder shows.

  “I don’t care, Netta. As long as they’re off my property, I’m happy.” Mama turns around and heads back toward the kitchen and out the door. “Jayd, hurry up. We’ve got a lot of work to do,” Mama says, closing the back door.

  I guess we’re going to be in the spirit room all night. So much for me practicing my lines for the spring play. Opening night’s in two weeks, and I still have a lot to memorize, not to mention that I need to go over the notes from my mom’s lessons on managing her powers in my head. If I don’t review them soon, I might not be able to recognize some of the words. My handwriting’s so challenged even I have a hard time reading it.

  I step onto the front porch and flip the wall switch next to the door several times, realizing the light’s out. You’d think that with all the men in this house, things like this would never go unnoticed. I bet it’s been out for days. I quickly retrieve a new bulb from the hall closet and change the light. Before I can successfully retreat back inside, Esmeralda looks up at me from her porch, locking me in my place. Shit: When will I ever learn? Looking at Esmeralda is like looking into Medusa’s eyes, except instead of turning her victim into cement, Esmeralda gives you a headache that makes you wish you were dead.

  “Your grandmother should’ve joined us when she had the chance,” Esmeralda hisses, grasping the iron bars of her porch railing with her pale hands. The veins running through her wrinkled fingers are as blue as her cold eyes. “Then I might’ve shown her little prodigy more mercy,” Esmeralda says, this time in my mind.

  I’m not sure if that was intentional on her part, but that was her first mistake. The second was threatening my grandmother.

  “I don’t need your mercy, but you might want to ask for some of your own,” I say as my mom’s vision takes over. This time unafraid of Esmeralda’s evil glare, I shoot her back a look of my own, instantly sending a cold front to her mind while releasing myself from her visual hold.

  While inside Esmeralda’s mind, I notice her emotions about Mama are going every which way. She’s afraid of Mama, but at the same time she’s hell-bent on destroying her. Esmer-alda still has love for her former spiritual godsister, but she is also insanely jealous of my grandmother, fueling her revenge even more.

  “You can’t hurt me, girl,” Esmeralda says, turning up her mental powers a couple of notches. Her hot head—usually ice cold—boils at my intrusion, eventually melting like ice under my mom’s even cooler sight. My mother warned about the danger of entering heads like Esmeralda’s: If I stay in too long, I run the risk of drowning in the puddle of emotions swimming through her mind.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you,” I say into Esmeralda’s head as I make my way out of her liquid web. “You’re forcing me to defend myself by any means necessary. If you get hurt in the process, then so be it.” Just when I think I’ve escaped her clutches, Esmeralda regains her strength and goes full throttle on my eyes.

  “Ahhh,” I say, moaning at the sheer thrust of her attack. I’m not prepared for all of this—or so I think. Unable to close my eyes, my mom’s sight is pushed aside and I can feel my eyes glowing. Esmeralda continues to hold my gaze as my vision adjusts to Maman’s presence taking over my mind. What the hell is really going on?

  “What’s happening?” Esmeralda asks, also noticing the change. “My head,” she moans, sounding like I did a moment ago.

  Maman’s eyes hone in on the tiny veins in Esmeralda’s forehead, controlling the blood as it pulsates through her body. I can feel every beat of her heart as Maman slows it down, causing excruciating pressure to build in Esmeralda’s head. She attempts to retreat, but it’s too late.

  “I know how you feel,” I say, noticing the jade reflection of my bright eyes against the glass light fixture. I completely surrender to Maman’s will, allowing her to finish this battle for me. Once Esmeralda’s begging ceases, Maman’s presence fades as quickly as it appeared and my eyes return to
their usual brown selves. I feel a little light-headed, but damned good about humbling Esmeralda’s ass.

  “You little wench!” Esmeralda yells, slamming the rusted porch gate shut and running inside. Good. That’ll teach her to mess with me again. I may have been afraid of her before, but since rocking my mom’s sight, I’ve got a little more gumption, and it’s time to start using it more often.

  Rather than going back through the house, I shut the door behind me, walk across the front lawn, and head through the back gate. Mama and Netta are already in the spirit room busy working. Before I can receive my directions for this evening’s tasks, my head starts pounding. I can feel every drop of blood coursing through my veins, similar to what Es-meralda just experienced. I attempt to steady myself on the wooden table in the center of the small kitchen, but my hands are slippery with sweat, causing me to lose my grip.

  “Is it hot in here to y’all?” I ask as I fan myself with my hands. I feel like I’m on fire. These must be the residual effects of using my mom’s powers. She warned me about this. And I imagine Maman taking control of the situation has some drawbacks of its own: yet another thing to check out in the spirit book when I get a chance.

  Noticing my ill demeanor from across the table, Mama drops the lemons she’s holding and rushes to my aid.

  “Jayd, you’re burning up,” Mama says, touching my forehead and receiving some of my heat. Thank God. I don’t know how much more I can take.

  “I’m thirsty,” I say, smacking my dry tongue against the roof of my mouth. It feels like I ate sand for lunch. Netta takes a clean glass from the dish rack next to the sink where she’s rinsing herbs and fills it with cold water.

  “Have you had any water today?” Mama asks, still absorbing my discomfort. What would I do without Mama’s healing touch?

  “Not much,” I say, taking the cool glass Netta offers and bringing it to my lips. I feel as parched as I did yesterday at Nigel’s house when I felt Maman’s presence. This can’t be a coincidence.

  “This always happens when you get dehydrated, girl. You need your water.” Mama takes a large yellow glass from the kitchen counter and fills it with spring water from a jar on the table, forcing me to drink it after finishing the first glass of tap. I welcome the sweet liquid home in five large gulps. I needed that.

  “What happened to you that fast?” Netta asks, helping Mama clear the table of our work. Our clients will have to wait. I can’t even think straight after that encounter of the cruel kind.

  “Esmeralda,” I say, barely whispering. My body’s gradually cooling down, but the pounding’s not going away so easily. If I speak any louder, it’ll only make the pain worse.

  “Esmeralda,” Mama and Netta say simultaneously. They look toward her house, wishing they could blow it up through the wall, I’m sure. I wish I could have done more while I had Esmeralda’s mind on lock: I bet she’ll think twice before attacking me again, not that she’ll ever stop. Esmer-alda lives to make the Williams women suffer.

  “I told you about looking that woman in the eye,” Mama says, forcing my chin up as she works her visual magic on my head. Mama’s green eyes continue to glow as she cools my mind down completely. I’m so grateful for her skills.

  “She’s so quick sometimes,” I say, feeling the pounding soften with each fleck of Mama’s vision.

  “You have to be quicker,” Mama says, probing my mind for damage. “It doesn’t seem like she got a chance to do too much harm this time,” Mama says quizzically. I know she’s wondering what really happened out there. Maybe now’s a good time to confess to Mama what she should’ve known about a couple of months ago when I first retained my gift from the dream world. Keeping something from Mama is the same thing as lying, and I know she’s not going to take kindly to me being dishonest, no matter how much I try to justify my actions.

  “I didn’t let her keep me on lock for long,” I say.

  Both Mama and Netta look at me, surprised. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they were impressed. That feeling may change once they know why I was such a badass with my skills this evening. I know I should tell Mama about it now like my mom suggested, but on second thought I’m in no mood for an ass whipping tonight. Esmeralda up in my head’s enough punishment for one day, but I will tell Mama before she leaves for her trip.

  “Your mama called to tell me there was something you needed to talk to me about,” Mama says, returning to her duties, along with Netta, now that I’m better. I guess I should get on it, too, if I plan on getting back to Inglewood at a decent hour. I need to catch up on my sleep and my own work.

  “It was a bad dream, but don’t worry. My mom helped me work it out,” I say, avoiding Mama’s gaze. I wonder how long I can keep this dance up before Mama catches on. I know she senses something’s up, but she can’t quite put her finger on it because of her other spiritual distractions.

  “Is that so?” Mama asks, smiling at her homegirl and sharing a secret I’m not privy to.

  I can tell she wants details, but she’s not going to push for full disclosure, and for that, I’m grateful. We can hear Emilio and his godfather in Esmeralda’s backyard doing only God knows what. Mama and Netta glance out the door and over to her yard, shaking their heads. The last thing I want to do is add to Mama’s already full plate. She needs to focus on shutting that madness down, not on the drama in my life.

  “Maybe we should postpone the trip. There’s so much work to be done here,” Mama says, much to Netta’s disapproval.

  “Oh, Lynn Mae, there’s always going to be something to pop up and distract us. It’s nothing but the Devil trying get in our way,” Netta says, chopping up fresh herbs and passing them to Mama to pound in her marble mortar, one of my favorite tools. “We need to ask Legba to clear this road and all obstacles in our way, including your excuses.”

  Mama glares at Netta, who in turn sticks her tongue out at her best friend, knowing she’s right. I couldn’t agree more. Mama needs to get the hell out of Compton. It’s been too long since she traveled, mostly because she’s always taking care of everyone else and not putting herself first. This Mother’s Day was case in point that Mama deserves a break. I’m not going to be the one to stand in her way, and I’ll be damned if anyone else tries to.

  “Don’t worry about anything, Mama,” I say. “I’ll be fine. Go on your trip and have some fun. You deserve it,” I say. I pick up a broom to start the cleaning process. This is something I’ll have to do before it’s all said and done anyway. I might as well get it over with so there won’t be as much for me to do later.

  “You sure you can handle all of this on your own?” Mama asks, gesturing around us. The small room is packed from floor to ceiling with powders, potions, and other tools of our trade. She then places both hands on the huge, aged, leather-bound book holding the keys to our success and answers to any questions we might have. That is more important than any material item in this quaint house—shrines included.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I say. “You can trust me.”

  The look in Mama’s eyes tells me she’s not just talking about me taking charge of my own healing when it comes to bad dreams and wicked neighbors, but our clients’ issues as well.

  “Jayd, our clients depend on us. And you have a lot of social commitments to manage already,” Mama says, alluding to the debutante ball, the play, and the cheer squad. She has always been against me overextending myself.

  “I’ve got this, Mama.” Mama and I exchange a look of trust, love, and fear. She’s got to let me try.

  “Okay, then; it’s settled. Little Jayd will hold down the spiritual needs of our clients while we’re gone, and you’ll let her try, Big Jayd,” Netta says, clapping her hands like she’s really running things. We both know Mama has the final say in every major spiritual decision. There’s only one queen in this house, and that’s Mama. Even Esmeralda knows that, no matter how bad she might think she is.

  Finally surrendering to our wills, Mama smiles and looks at me fir
mly.

  “This is your chance to show us what you’ve got, girl. Most importantly, remember to ask for help when you need it,” Mama says, checking my forehead with the back of her hand one more time before getting back to work. She said “us” but I know she meant her. There’s a lot riding on my shoulders as the next queen in line to take charge of our lineage’s responsibilities. I haven’t been fully engrossed in the strenuous tasks involved in learning what I need to know for the next phase of my journey, but that’s all about to change. I plan on being on my game this summer in more ways than one, starting with mastering my skills.

  “Oh, Lynn Mae. Don’t be so hard on the poor girl,” Netta says, wrapping her right arm around my shoulders. She’s such a good godmother. I can only hope I’m the same with Rahima and Nickey, Mickey’s daughter. “Jayd, I can’t wait to read about your learnings in the spirit book when we get back.”

  “Me neither,” Mama says, half laughing.

  I haven’t done such a good job keeping up with my contributions to our family’s history, but I plan on rectifying that situation, too. The next two weeks are going to be hectic both at home and at school. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about my crazy life, it’s that as long as the ancestors are in my corner, I’m up for any challenge that comes my way.

  3

  Crazy Is

  My chick bad, my chick good /

  My chick do stuff that your chick wish she could.

  —LUDACRIS FEAT. DIAMOND, TRINA, AND EVE

  The crisp air is refreshing on my cheeks, cooling my warm skin. I see white in every direction I look, and it’s not just the sheer veil covering my eyes. I’m completely surrounded by a thick smoke blocking my vision and preventing any attempt to move for fear of stepping off into an abyss. The smoke thins slightly, allowing me to see that I’m standing on a theater stage alone, dressed in all white.